NONRELIGIOUS Arguments why Singles should Wait for Sex until Marriage

Purity talk is easy to openly discuss with your Christian friends. However, as I get myself acquainted to people outside church, they start asking why it should matter to them. It sounded to them as though God is only a killjoy higher being who doesn't want you to experience the pleasures of exploring other bodies aside from your spouse or future spouse.

I didn't want to be defensive. I didn't want to take it too personal (but it is personal to me, especially when they mistakenly understood God's nature). Most specially, I didn't want to convince them right away that God is not a killjoy God. So I kept quiet and thought about the matter for months.

I asked myself, what could be the practical reasons why God doesn't want us to enter into sexual relationship outside marriage.

I realized that many people are tired of reading or hearing religious arguments why sex should be done only inside the marriage covenant. I do not, in anyway, imply in this entry that religious arguments are wrong. This is my attempt to show practical reasons why singles, even those who don't believe in God, should wait until marriage. Feel free to comment your thoughts afterwards.

How many times have you heard the "counsels" from Hollywood movies, that in order for you to know whether the person is for you, try his/ her sexuality first. See if your sex life has a chemistry, and then move on if you're not compatible. What could be the problem/s with that counsel?

Here are my thoughts about it:

1. Unending Audition -

Love becomes conditional. You only accept the person when he/ she passes your standard or vice versa. You do your best to satisfy your partner so that you will be accepted. You feel like you have to perform well to stay accepted. Yes, accepted ...conditionally.

It will feel like an unending audition towards the other person. The sad part about it, is when the other person felt that he/ she will more likely enjoy doing it with someone else, the person can leave anytime.

2. Majors become minors

Sex becomes the major decision factor for your marriage. Some people would ask, shouldn't it be that way, since that person will be the only one you're having sex with for the rest of your life? I don't think it should work that way. 

Why? There are twenty-four (24) hours in a day, and there are other things, major things, that will require more time than sex. I suggest you look at the person's vision in life. The person's purpose, direction, beliefs, and many more. These major things will be what you will most likely talk about most of the time, what you will do together, and where you will probably commit -as a family- to do in your whole lifespan.

One of the major causes of broken families is misunderstanding. Why? Don't you think the differences about vision, purpose, beliefs, and direction in life are the major factors and reasons for the separation? Think about it.

3. Vulnerability Problems

Getting naked in front of someone is a sign of opening yourself to a person. That's why there is shame in it. You're allowing yourself to be physically vulnerable towards him/ her in that specific time. At that time, both of you are physically vulnerable, and you're willing to do and accept it because there is pleasure that awaits behind vulnerability.

The problem with that is, it's only "selective acceptance of vulnerability". Once you start seeing the flaws, imperfections, and other weaknesses of the person, once they become open to you, you start being uncomfortable to accept his/ her other vulnerabilities.

You don't like the fact that he/ she snores loudly when sleeping. You don't like that he/ she is irritatingly unstable with emotions. You don't want to accept his/ her present struggles. You don't like the person showing his/ her weaknesses to you. In other words, you don't like to see the whole set of his/ her vulnerabilities. You don't like the person being wholly open to you, except when you're in bed.

This is not love. This is selfishness, and love is never selfish. 

4. Benchmark Challenge

While this point is not necessarily true to some, yet it is still true to many. When you got married and both of you know that it's not your first time, you might struggle with these thoughts:

"Did he/ she had better experience than this?" or "I had better experience than this..."

I say 

blessed are those who got married as virgins, for they they have the best sex experience ever.

No kidding. They really think they have the best sex life ever, because there is no point of comparison for it. Not trying sex outside marriage, OR stopping right now would be of great help not just for you, but for your future spouse as well.

5. Physical and Emotional Health

Physical health - there is no need to explain the physical health. HIV victims are increasing so fast. All of the victims will tell you that the few-minute-pleasure is not worth the severe sickness that you might carry for the rest of your life.

Emotional health - guilt will come. Many will think this only applies to women. No, not just for women, but also for men. Yes it will, don't wait for it. Stop now.

Conclusion

Sex is great. Sex is a gift, but not for all -only for the married couples. Who gave it then?

God did.

In fact, he wants us to enjoy it to the max. God knows the only possible way to experience the FULL extent of the pleasure of sex is the way under the covenant of marriage.

The reason why I wrote this is because I want to tell all my friends that God is not a killjoy God. In fact, he wants us to enjoy ALL his gifts to the fullest, and sex is one of them. He doesn't want us to experience what I enumerated above.

Jesus said, "I have come that they may have life, and have it abundantly..." at the same time, before declaring that promise, he said that the enemy, Satan, came to kill, steal, and destroy (John 10:10).

All of God's gifts are perfect. Satan tries to twist the situation, steal from you, crush you, destroy you, and makes you think that those disasters came from God.

God did not give precautions because he is killjoy. No! He loves you, and he wants you. At that same chapter of the verse I mentioned above (John 10), Jesus said that He is the door -the way to salvation. Come to Him, and experience what abundant life really mean. He loves you, indeed.

Finally, I would like to end in this note:

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Was this entry helpful to you? Let me know what you think! Leave your comments below, and let's discuss!