Women, you have all the right to assume that he likes you.

Photo Courtesy of Nikki Gonzaga

Oh yes. I might be the first person to tell you this; all you women have the right to assume that the likable guy at church likes you. It’s your call, really. Let me warn you, though, that assumptions don’t give you solid ground for expectations.

If you think a guy is making a move, go ahead and assume. Just don’t expect that he is really making a move for a further relationship or else it would only hurt you. You might ask, is it really possible to separate assumption from expectation? Yes, of course! I’ll explain that later. If a guy is making a move and is not saying anything, so what?

Really, what’s the big deal if a guy makes a move and will not tell you his intentions? I’m not defending the irresponsible men who likes playing around and flirting with women, but that’s a different topic to talk about. For now, let’s focus on women’s assumptions.

Let me go back to the question, “So what if he’s making a move?” I don’t know many things that go on in a woman’s mind and I don’t think anyone knows exactly what’s going on. I doubt, because even they don’t know what’s going on in their own minds.

My point is this, what if the guy who makes a move is not a likeable guy at all –let’s say someone who completely championed the most dislikable attributes and character of a guy, both physically, spiritually, financially, and emotionally- would you expect that guy to move and tell you his intentions? You hope not, of course! Or some may say, OH YES! So I could instantly say NO, and stop his wandering around.

But let’s face it, you already assumed even before that guy asked, and you already have the NO answer at the back of your mind. The funny thing is, he never distracted you emotionally. He might have freaked you out, but not emotionally distracted. Why? Simple! Because you never expected that there is going to be a relationship to come out. Did you assume already? Of course you did, but your heart and mind did not wander around thinking of what his next move might be and how you will react to it because you’re too careful ‘guarding your heart’ and you don’t want this guy to easily find out that you like him. That’s where the separation of assumption and expectation comes. It is possible to assume and not expect.

I am happy to prove this observation when I asked a very admirable friend. I can say she is one of the most physically attractive women I know. I asked her about those men making an obvious move that she didn’t like at all.  She answered with an irritated tone, “So?”… Her lack of interest was showing through the tone of her voice. None of them interests her so she was not bugged at all. She did not bother asking her girl friends these silly questions, “Ohhh… why is this guy texting me a lot?” or “This guy is so kind to me. Maybe he likes me?” or “This guy took a lot of pictures of meee. You think I have my pictures in his room, or phone?” or “Are his tweets for meeee?!!” I can go on and on, but I choose not to because it’s extremely irritating.

My point is simple. The reason why your assumption is not healthy because the guy is likeable, even if you don’t like him yet… Or you like him and your mind has wandered too far from reality already. Then when the guy stops being sweet, you blame him for not being clear while excusing yourself of the faulty expectations you were thinking.

“So yes”, the woman admits, “The guy is likeable, and I think I like him. He’s making a move, but he was never clear with his intentions. Do I assume?”

My answer is the same, it’s okay to assume, but assumption is never the best ground for expectations. I don’t expect all women to take heed to this advice. Like I said, we can’t understand women. Thus, there are no general guidelines for them to follow. Though there is an objective truth to what I am saying. Higher expectations, when not met, may cause deeper emotional wounds.

Let me clarify. I said you have all the right to assume and yet don’t expect. However, women who focus on other things are the most admirable of all.  They choose to focus on things within their reach and within their control rather than focusing on things that are far from their area of responsibility.

Let me ask the men. If today you are not yet in a relationship with this woman who expects a lot from you and your actions, and she’s trying to “control” you already in her mind (because when they expect other people to act in certain ways, somehow in their minds, they are controlling others already), isn’t it freaky to have this girl as your partner?

Women, there’s more to life than love life. You don’t need a man to complete you, especially a man who can’t lead you. If simple things like being intentional in asking you out and telling you his motives he can’t do, what more when you start dealing with tough decision-making issues?

It’s okay to assume as long as you don’t expect, but it is best to focus on things within your control. By that I mean focus on your gifts, develop them, and glorify God. Nothing beats a woman passionate for God’s glory rather than a woman flattered of what people say or think about her.

My prayer for you is not that you find the perfect guy. My prayer is that you realize you already have the perfect guy, and that is Jesus. But hey, He’s not your boyfriend, neither your husband. No women in His time thought of having Him exclusively, yet they were all desperate for Him. Jesus proved that life is not just about love life, and that love is not just about romance. Love is a necessity for all human beings and that kind of love is what He showed. It encompasses all.

In all these, if we get married, it’s still for the glory of God (1 Corinthians 7).

God bless you!

*After this blog entry, I will be writing about men who like women falling into this trap with their actions. Maybe when my insomnia attacks again. Haha, I wrote this entry at 4:30am. I couldn’t sleep so I thought of typing what’s been on my mind for weeks now. I hope this entry helps!